New CBS Drama Brings Database Query Excitement to Prime-Time

Hands on a Computer KeyboardNEW YORK – CBS today announced the November 2 launch of a new drama series based on the adventures of a crime-fighting database administrator.

DBA: Miami will follow Elroy Constance, a 35-year-old database administrator/programmer with serious acne who lives in his girlfriend’s mother’s basement, as he solves crimes using exciting data storage and retrieval methodologies.

“Finally, we think we have an inroad into the much-coveted ‘15-45 year old male with poor social but superlative database skills’ demographic,” said CBS chairman Leslie Moonves. “This is the sort of exciting, well-compiled program our viewers want.”

Warning: Spoilers

The pilot episode opens with the revelation that $5 debit card service fees are mysteriously disappearing from a major bank’s customer accounts database. Hemorrhaging money and fearing FDIC dissolution, the bank hires Constance to investigate and solve the crime.

Using basic database query commands and Bing, he discovers and tracks down the hackers. Over a soundtrack of suspenseful music from MarioKart, they explain the reasons for their behaviors, and Constance begins to question the rightness of the bank’s actions. After many agonized chat sessions with his girlfriend Jenny, however, he finally decides to do the right thing and turn over his evidence to the district attorney.

Future episodes will follow essentially the same formula, as is not unusual with network evening drama.

Newcomer Scott Select flawlessly depicts the crime-fighting DBA. His typing skills are impressive and lend an air of believability to the exciting scenes in which he pounds out queries in a SQL Server window. Kate Winslet plays his on-again, off-again girlfriend (seen in this episode only in a 300 χ 300 jpeg).

While a review in CNet praised the show for its social realism and romantic tension, Ree Hines of MSNBC was less impressed: “I was really hoping it would go into greater detail about the specific SQL commands Elroy used.”

Check your local listings for times and channels.

Copyright © 2011-2012 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

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