Hair(less) (a song parody)

Hair(less)With apologies to Ragni, Rado & MacDermot

She asked me why
Why I’m a balding guy
It’s shiny on my pate
My head’s like a dinner plate
Except my ears and nose
Don’t ask me why
That’s where it goes
It’s not for hormone lack
I’m still good in the ****
Darling

Gimme a head with hair
Long, short, I don’t care
Straight or curly,
Black or brown or flaxen

Gimme down to there
Half an inch or longer
Hide my ears up there, mama
Make my head nappy, daddy

Hair, hair, hair (etc)
Flow it, show it
I wish I could grow it
More hair

I get sunburned with ease
Have to sit by the trees
Have to put suntan grease way up there
Have to use suntan grease
SPF 83
I ought to own
Stock in Coppertone
I buy it by the gallon baby

Where … is my hair?
Blow it, mow it,
God, why can’t I grow it
More hair

I’d take it long, short, straight or curly
Just 18, I started early
First I just had too much forehead
Then you could see more and more head
Twist it? Bead it? Braid it?
Can’t cos I mislaid it
Powdered? flowered? don’t be stupid
How I wish I could recoup it

Hair hair hair (etc)
Brush it? Comb it?
Why’d my body go and disown it?
My hair

Oh say can you see my scalp?
If you can then my hair’s all gone

It’s all gone
I’m so sad
Didn’t do
Nothin’ bad
It stopped by itself

I bought Rogaine at the drugstore
Thinkin’ maybe I could grow more
Grow a head full of blond, black or brown
Cousin It hair
I’ve called numbers on the telly
I’ve used creams and sprays and jellies
Still no hair, tho’ I grew smelly,
A rugmaker’s gonna mail me

Hair, hair (etc)
Grow it? No, it
Doesn’t seem to know it’s my
Hair (etc)

Copyright © 2011-2012 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

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