NEW YORK – Lovable Elmo Monster, everybody’s favorite Muppet with the big, bright eyes and squeaky high voice, has been among the worst casualties of the budget cuts made necessary by Sesame (formerly Children’s Television) Workshop’s loss of federal funding. The once-chipper monster has become glum, dyed his fur black, and pierced his face in multiple places since funding for the letter L was withdrawn.
“Emo no like happiness any more,” he said, breaking into a mournful rendition of, “Can You Te’ Me How to Get Away from Sesame Street?”
Well-known characters Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch were unaffected by the cuts, whereas Telly is completely unsure of who he is anymore, and Hoots the Owl has been in a lot of pain. Flo Bear has given up writing, and opened a Vietnamese restaurant.
The discontinuation of the letter L comes on top of last year’s deep cuts which eliminated guest stars, the number 4, and cookies. “Me sick of hea’th food,” complained another popular Muppet.
Elsewhere in the news, NPR’s Cokie Roberts has been traded to MSNBC for $1M and a future broadcasting school draft pick.
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