Kim Jong Un, Vatican Locked in Desperate Battle for Headlines

dueling videosPYONGYANG and ROME — The standoff between North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un and the Roman Catholic Church for top billing in the world’s leading newspapers, cable news shows, political blogs, and water cooler conversations appears headed into a third week. After the conclave of Cardinals that will vote to elect the next pope announced they would be taking steps to limit leaks to the press, and Pongyang announced that hotline phone service to South Korea would be cut off, strategists for both sides admit they are still working hard to top the other’s latest press releases.

“Of course once we elect the pope, we’ll have the A-1 above-the-fold,” said a cardinal who wished to remain anonymous. “But until then, Kim Jong is going to fight hard.”

“This was to be my moment of glory on the world stage,” said Un through an interpreter, “and that smarty-pants pope had to go and resign.”

Rumors blazed on Sunday on all the major social media sites, amid speculations that the cardinals and the dictator were preparing dueling music videos. “The video production people are being very hush-hush,” said tweeter @PopeVersusKimJongUn, “but watchers on YouTube are expecting Conclave Me Maybe and Pyong Yangnam Style.

Copyright © 2013 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

He Started It!

How the conversation might have gone if Adam, not Eve, had been first to bite the apple:

Adam contemplates the appleGod: Did you eat from the tree I told you to leave alone?

Adam: The woman you gave me, she made me do it.

Eve: Actually, no, I was over by the banana tree with my back turned.

Adam: The snake. The snake made me do it.

Snake: Like Hell. I was sleeping under a rock.

Adam: The tree. The tree whispered at me, tempting me so that I could not overcome it.

Tree: [Nothing. This isn’t Tolkien.]

God: Anybody else you want to blame, or are you done now?

Copyright © 2013 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

I Saw a Flower

Being the result of a great deal of creative effort to create song lyrics and poems (roughly) on the theme “I Saw a Flower” from the perspective of, or in the style of, various songwriters, genres, poets, and so forth. Many thanks to my wonderfully creative Facebook friends! (Please see copyright notice at the bottom.)

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All my words, and layout, © 2013 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved
All other people’s words should be understood to remain under their ownership & copyright.

The Day the Twinkies Died

TwinkieWith apologies to Don McLean

A long, long time ago
I can still remember eating Twinkies
used to make me smile
And I liked to eat them because
I could get a sugar buzz
And bounce across the ceiling for a while
But this November my lip quivered
No more of them will be delivered
Bad news on the website
I’ll never take one more bite
I can’t remember if I cried
When I read what Hostess did decide
But something crushed me deep inside
The day the Twinkies died
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