Men and Pain

Acacia tree in the desertThere is a disconnect in our society’s idea(s) of how men deal with pain. On the one hand there is the well-known fact that if a man catches a cold he thinks he’s going to die, and requires 24/7 nursing care until he is well again. On the other hand we have western movies in which the hero is shot seven times from twelve different directions in all the major limbs and internal organs and a few auxiliary ones, and yet struggles back up onto his horse and rides into town to save the day.

Both of these cannot be realistic at the same time.

In the interest of brutal honesty, therefore, I bring you the final scene from a newly rewritten western (One Bride for One Orphan).
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How to Trope Like J.R.R. Tolkien

One Ring PoemOn and on they went, doing what they were doing (or having done to them what they were having done to them). On and on, and on, until all memory of what life was like before they were doing what they were doing (or having done to them what they were having done to them) had faded, and all they could remember was doing what they were doing (or having done to them what they were having done to them). Doing, doing, doing (or having done, having done, having done), for how long? an hour? a day? a week? a fortnight? The person didn’t know. Only that they had been doing what they were doing (or having done to them what they were having done to them) for time out of mind. On and on it went, and on, until just when they thought they couldn’t bear doing what they were doing (or having done to them what they were having done to them) a minute longer, it came to an end.
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Space Aliens Take Over the Radio Station

Car RadioThis is Cory Selchek with Eyewitness News 43. With me is Mr. Ted Salimar, who was the first to realize that space aliens were invading Springfield. Tell me, Mr. Salimar, how did you figure it out?

Well, Cory, it was pretty simple. I was listening to the classic rock station in my car, and that’s when I knew. I knew space aliens had taken over the station.

How did you know?

It’d been over 48 hours since the last time they played “Don’t Stop Believing.”

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Copyright © 2013 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Nickeled and Dimed

Oxygen masksIn case of an unexpected loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop down from the overhead panel. Grasp your credit card firmly and slide it through the card reader. If your card is accepted, oxygen will begin to flow. Please pay for your own oxygen first before assisting infants or the elderly or people without credit cards.

Please also remember to take your card with you when you go to the lavatory. We will be serving drinks and pretzels shortly. Coffee, tea, or soda will be $20 per fluid ounce. If you have to ask how much the pretzels cost, you probably can’t afford them.

Thank you for flying Frontier.


Copyright © 2013 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.