Budget Cuts Wreak Havoc on Sesame Street

Emo MonsterNEW YORK – Lovable Elmo Monster, everybody’s favorite Muppet with the big, bright eyes and squeaky high voice, has been among the worst casualties of the budget cuts made necessary by Sesame (formerly Children’s Television) Workshop’s loss of federal funding. The once-chipper monster has become glum, dyed his fur black, and pierced his face in multiple places since funding for the letter L was withdrawn.

“Emo no like happiness any more,” he said, breaking into a mournful rendition of, “Can You Te’ Me How to Get Away from Sesame Street?”
Continue reading

Give Me a Ring Sometime

The Ruling RingHello, and thank you for calling 1-800-EVIL-MAGIC. Your call may be monitored or recorded on parchment by our scribes. Please listen carefully, as our ai-mênu has changed.

To cover all the land in a second darkness, press one.

To destroy the land of Gondor in retaliation for Elendil daring to fight against you with Gil-galad, press two.
Continue reading