The First Yule Sale

christmas-money-treeThe first Yule sale
Was in August this year
With aluminum trees
And inflatable deer.
And to the store
They brought truckloads of crap
For consumers to buy
And their kids to unwrap.

Oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well.
Folks will buy anything stores want to sell.

I lookéd up
And saw a man
Putting bags full of Chia pets
Into his van.
And to his friends
He will give them, no doubt,
And they’ll stay in the box
Till their heirs throw them out.

Oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well.
Folks will buy anything stores want to sell.

Copyright © 2013 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

I Want a New Knee

(with apologies to Huey Lewis)

I want a new knee
One that won’t give me pains
One that won’t make me limp when I walk
Or let me know when it rains

I want a new knee
One that won’t go “click!”
One that won’t keep me up all night
Or make me walk with a stick

One that won’t make me nervous
When I put on a shoe
One that makes me feel
Like I did at 22.

Copyright © 2013 Alex Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

Syria

Syria Mapwith apologies to Paul Simon
(tune: “Cecilia”)

Syria, you’re breaking my heart
I pray we don’t start bombing daily
I sincerely do not want a war
There’s no need for more casualties
Plea-ea-ease.

Watching news on the Middle East
Hoping Syria might at last find peace
Flipped to see how Miley twerks
When I came back to news, it’s all chest-thumping jerks
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The Day the Twinkies Died

TwinkieWith apologies to Don McLean

A long, long time ago
I can still remember eating Twinkies
used to make me smile
And I liked to eat them because
I could get a sugar buzz
And bounce across the ceiling for a while
But this November my lip quivered
No more of them will be delivered
Bad news on the website
I’ll never take one more bite
I can’t remember if I cried
When I read what Hostess did decide
But something crushed me deep inside
The day the Twinkies died
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